Lottie

My grandma is great. Even at the age of 94 (soon to be 95) she has so much spunk and personality. Since I left home at 18, I haven't been able to spend much time with her, only on yearly visits; however, last winter I was able to see her on a much more frequent basis when Pat and I lived with my parents for a few month, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. It was during that time that I was able to really appreciate who my grandmas was.

During those visits it was obvious that my grandma's number one love in life is her family. She loved talking about her brothers, sisters, and mother, all of which she has outlived, which saddened her. She had a pillow that had all the pictures of her family that she would show me frequently, reliving her childhood and the bond she had with her siblings.

I love my grandma's personality. Even though she was born nearly a 100 years ago, she can still "hang with the best of them" with her quick wit and humor. I was always in absolute awe as my grandma would be able to roll with my dad's sarcasm and bust out the most clever remarks. The jokes were super funny, but hearing them come out of a 94 year-old-lady made it that much better.

My grandma is one for adventure. She always wanted to travel the world and experience new things. When I told her that I was moving to New York City she told me about a time when she went to New York City and her brother and she walked to the top of the Empire State Building. That's 102 floors or 1,860 steps! When I told her how impressed I was with that she simple shrugged it off and said that "she has been walking her whole life" so it wasn't that hard. That's Lottie for ya.

My grandma was a one hot lady. Looking back a the pictures of her in her 20's she could have been a model. She must have been quite the catch, especially in her little town in Idaho!

My grandma now has dementia, and since the last time I saw her, apparently it has gotten a lot worse. During the time I was in California I saw the beginning affects this had on her and it made me so sad to see her struggle. However, despite her memory loss she still has so much to give as stated in this beautifully written "newsletter" written by a lady who visits my grandma on a weekly basis.

I first met Charlottie “Lottie” Smith several months ago at Aegis in Moraga. When I arrived that first winter evening, the 94-year old Lottie and her daughter Cheryl were working on a Minnie Mouse puzzle in the upstairs library. At first I wasn’t sure what to expect as I have had little experience interacting with seniors suffering from dementia. In fact, I was even a bit nervous that I might not say or do the right thing.

We talked for a while and spent some time getting to know one another. Lottie talked about growing up in Idaho and shared some details about her mother, father and siblings. Several times during our visit she flashed her bright smile and a wry sense of humor that reminded me much of my own mother who passed away just 18 months ago. By the end of our first meeting, it felt as though the three of us had known one another for a long time.

Before we said goodbye, Cheryl suggested that we take a picture with the three of us together so that her mother could connect us during my later visits. That photograph, which she keeps in her apartment by her desk, has proved useful on more than one occasion when she has asked me my name or how I came to be there.

Since then, I typically visit with her at least once a week. Some of our visits last for an hour, while others are much longer. Mostly I visit on Sundays. This is due in part to something she said during our first meeting. When telling me some details about her family she recalled, “my mother always said that Sundays were the loneliest day of the week.” From that point forward, I wanted to try to make her Sundays a little less lonely, if I could.

She has good days and not so good days and she feels lonely, frustrated and frightened much of the time. In spite of a few of our visits beginning with tears, by the end of my time with her she is usually smiling. Over the course of each visit, a special bond seems to grow between us and we she has remarked that it feels as if she’s known me for a long time. I feel the same. She doesn’t remember my face or my name or where I’m from, but it doesn’t matter. I know one thing for certain, she is grateful that I am there.

There are many activities we could do during our visits each week – Bingo, puzzles, simple crafts, or watching movies – but mostly we just sit and talk. Sometimes, when she is teary, I will just sit with her and comfort or reassure her. At other times we look at photographs of her family and friends or trips she has taken. However, on most occasions, I simply read to her from a large book of poems and stories she has written and collected throughout her life. As I read aloud, it seems that each story and each poem has a way of opening a window in her heart and her mind, a window through which she can connect with vivid memories of happier times in her life. She sits near me, and every so often asks me to repeat the last line or paragraph, then reminisces about her life on the farm in Idaho, her mother and father, her brothers and sisters, her late husband or her children. The stories and poems seem to provide a calm distraction from the loneliness and fear. Over time, her fear and frustration seem to fade away and a sense of joy emerges.

While I only met her a few short months ago, through our weekly visits and her incredible gift for writing and poetry, I have come to learn that she is a very lovely, generous and kind woman who has lived a very full and happy life. When I make my way to leave each week, it is often the same. She looks at me with that great smile of hers, blows me a kiss and says, “We should do this again sometime. This has just been so enjoyable. I sure do hope to see you again soon.”

She may not remember me in an hour or even ten minutes from now, but it makes no difference to me. If I can, even for a moment or an hour, help her experience some joy, distract her from the pain and fear she feels in what has become a lonely and frightening world, or simply help her connect with memories of a happier time, we are both all the better for it.

These visits with Lottie have become a great source of joy and fulfillment in my own life. I feel incredibly fortunate to have this opportunity to spend time with her and give the gift of friendship thanks to the Friendly Visitors Program. And one thing is for certain – I wish that I had begun doing this sooner.